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March 24, 2015

Godly Woman, We Need You!

Categories: Biblical

A depiction of Ruth, one of my favourite heroines of the Bible.

Some time ago, my old buddy and ex-schoolmate Carlison asked a provocative question, via a Facebook post. The request was: “List the top 5 things you want in a woman. You can be as deep or as shallow as you want.”

The comments were quite tasteful for the most part. Most persons were around our age or older, and it was very refreshing to know that most of us have matured, and are seeking things now that are quite different from what we sought before.

I had to think about it for a while. Here is my (unedited) comment:

Here is my list: most important first, with rationale. (Please note that the perspective is that of a single male.)

1. God-fearing. An adult female (goes for males too) must know why she’s here, what her purpose is, what her thoughts/ambitions are (and who controls them), et cetera. The decision to live as an upright human being is a decision that should be made long before seeking marriage, and has nothing to do with anyone else. These internal decisions are critical to the success of a marriage. I include loyalty, supportiveness and sexual maturity here, because these are the fruits of proper decisions in this regard.

2. A passion for self-development. It’s great that everyone comes with a set of things that they’re good at, or possess; but if it stops there, that’s going to be a problem. You may be a good cook, and I’m a musician – we can both be cooks and musicians. Keep it moving. Self-development is critical to success. There’s a very pervasive mindset that encourages persons to stay where they are… and that destroys relationships. Under this point I’d include beauty, intelligence, and talent.

3. Honest. Let me be straightforward here: lying, prevarication and half-truths really mess men (well, people in general) up (would love to treat this more thoroughly). Pretending is for kids. Healthy relationships depend on persons being straightforward and forthcoming about their thoughts, desires and ambitions. (Of course, there’s the alternative,which I’ve never seen work.)

4. Ready to work. This stems out of #2 above… if you’re good at working with yourself, there’s a good chance that you may be good at working with someone else. A marriage takes *work*… so attentiveness, empathy, ability to share and work together, talking/listening …critical to success.

5. Loving/Compassionate/Nurturing. Stemming from #1 above, a woman has a very important role in the life of a man. God has put within her these traits that are so very important to the growth of a family – a family will not develop well without them. Love and compassion for others (outside the family unit) are also important for the health of the family.

Often I’ve heard persons exclaim: “That’s not the kind of person you see around these days…” But last time I checked, marriage is to *one* person. These characteristics won’t be in everyone… just need to be in the person that you desire to be with.

It seemed like most of the persons on the thread agreed with this summary. This means that we have matured quite a bit. We seem to now appreciate those seldom-spoken-about traits that make for good relationships and happy households.

I want to encourage each young woman to aspire to the highest level of character that can be attained. Our families, churches, countries and world need godly, honest women. Our nations were made great by the efforts of hard-working, diligent, God-fearing, honest women… if we desire to keep our nations great, then we need you.

In this note, I’ve decided to tag some young ladies who I believe have shown some of the graces (I’ve mentioned above) during the time I have interacted with them. We’re all growing – yes. I couldn’t tag everybody – yes. I also leaned towards tagging my younger female friends first, as they really need to hear this message at this time. My tag is simply indicative of my desire that you continue in your journey: overcoming the pressures of culture, distractions and even other persons; and press on toward highest marks of character and excellence.

Also: do not lower your standards (at any time). The beauty that God (and a God-fearing man) desires is inward (1 Samuel 16:7). It’s best to wait patiently on a person who can cherish that, than to destroy your life with someone who will not.

This short discourse was quite humbling for me. I realised something important: when you ask God for something, you should be in a position to take care of it. My father never gave me the car to drive when I was a teenager – I now understand why: I wasn’t in a position to take care of it, in the event that something happened. When a man asks God for a virtuous woman, he shouldn’t expect God to answer that prayer, unless he is himself virtuous, and is in a position to take care of, nourish and cherish such a treasure.

(I felt the need to share this after viewing a powerful video online today by Dr. Frank Seekins: “A Mighty Warrior”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vYQqYFQVFQ. Pretty amazing, this. He does something in this video that I really appreciate: going through the Proverbs 31 chapter, explaining the Hebrew meanings of the words found there! It is very enlightening, even (and more so) for males. Highly recommending this video: I hope that it is a blessing to you.)